This Week in Tech 542
Leo Laporte: It's time for TWiT, This Week in Tech! An amazing show for you, involving Paul, Storm, Owen JJ Ohdoctah... what's his name? Ohdoctah Stone. Dick Debartolo. Copious amounts of moonshine and Star Wars spoilers. It's going to be an amazing holiday special!
NETCASTS YOU LOVE FROM PEOPLE YOU TRUST, THIS IS TWiT. Bandwidth for This Week in Tech is provided by CacheFly at cachefly.com.
Leo: This is TWiT, This Week in Tech, episode 542, recorded Friday, December 18, 2015 for airdate December 27, 2015.
Our Holiday Special
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It's time for our famous This Week in Tech holiday special on Boxing day! Ladies and Gentlemen, in alphabetical order, Owen JJ Stone, Paul and Storm, the Giz Whiz, and to kick us off our special musical guest, the Rat Pack.
The Rat Pack:
Man 1: Ooh. It's cold out there.
Man 2: We are just fine, but we appreciate being here for your Christmas special.
Man 1: That's right. It's Christmas all around the world tonight, and this song is no exception. We are going to go Christmas on them.
Man 1 and 2: Well The one I love belongs to somebody else
She sings her songs of love to somebody else
And even when I've got my arms around her
I know her thoughts are strong for somebody else
And the Christmas hands she holds belong to somebody else, well I guess they're not so cold for somebody else.
It's tough to be alone on the shelf
It's worse to fall in love by yourself
Because the one that we love belongs to somebody else.
Man 1: I'm feeling a little bit more Hannukkah.
Man 2: Someone turn up the band, baby.
Man 1: The waterworks, turn them on now. How did we get to this place, Dean? (Singing) Well the one we love belongs to somebody else.
Man 2: (singing) My friends it's a terrible story.
Man 1: She sings her songs of love to somebody else.
Man 2: Very sad but that's amore.
Man 1: So Italian. (Singing) Even when she's got her arms around me I know her feeling is strong for somebody else. Somebody else.
Man 2: The one I hold belongs to somebody else.
Man 1: She's moving on to somebody else.
Man 2: Well I bet they're not so cold to somebody else.
Man 1: To somebody else.
Both: Well it's tough to be alone on a shelf. Worse to fall in love by yourself because the one we love belongs, you know the one we love keeps singing a song to somebody.
Man 1: Christmas!
Leo: Awesome! The Dean-O-Holics everyone! We're going to see more of them in just a little bit. Welcome to our TWiT, This Week in Tech holiday show. As always, we like to bring together the tops in Entertainment poll and storm are here. I was informed their contract, their writer doesn't allow them to perform music, so I hope you don't mind, but we brought in a musical act, Paul.
Paul Sabourin: That's fine. You guys can't meet our rate anyway.
Leo: I can't afford you. You guys are great. You're coming to town soon. We'll talk about that. What is that? Tweaker Fest? What is that thing you do?
Paul: Sketch fest. Yeah, we're coming to town to score the really good drugs.
Leo: Paul Sabourin. I don't know who you are. We booked you and I got some Jaegger and we're ready to go. We're ready to roll, we're going to have a wonderful time. Look at this! New to the group, Storm, are you doing all right in there? Do you have...?
Greg "Storm" Dicostanzo: It's not boxing day without our good friend Jolly J and he's here.
Leo: You know. Oh my god. Who was it that got this started? Was it you or Paul that was drinking a couple years ago?
Greg: Paul doesn't drink. I'm pretty sure it was me. I honestly don't remember. But I have this bottle.
Leo: It multiplied because Colton pulled one out and Holden pulled one out. I thought we'd class the act up with some liquor in a bag. A little Crown Royal. That's Canadian. Also Ohdoctah is not looking too happy. Ohdoctah is here. Did you see Star Wars, is that why it's sitting there behind you? I was told we may not mention Star Wars.
Owen JJ Stone: I will not spoil anything for anybody because I'm not a terrible person. Also, this is great. Dick Debartolo.
Dick Debartolo: This is great! I was just waiting for the radio on Saturday and the camera was on.
Leo: What the heck? We'll do it. I wanted to class the place up with some liquor in a bag so I already said that. This is the jaegger. So we'll have the jeagger in a bag.
Dick: Yeah! Now it's Boxing day.
Leo: Now it's boxing day. My moustache is falling off. Do you want to do a couple more numbers from the Rat Pack and we'll get into the year's... we don't talk about news on this show. We'll get into some heavy drinking.
Man 1: Fantastic, ladies and gentlemen. We got liquor and fake cigarettes. What could be a merrier Christmas. (Singing) As sweet a young child as you'd find. Her parents had gone to their final rewards. Leaving their baby behind. Only 9 years of age was this poor little lamb when the mama and dad went away. Still she bravely worked at the one thing she knew to earn her few pennies a day. She made artificial flowers artificial flowers, flowers for ladies of fashion to wear. She made artificial flowers, artificial flowers, made out of pennies to spare. With paper and sheers and some wire and wax she made a beach tulip and as the snowflakes drifted into her tenement room, her baby fingers were numb. Artificial flowers, artificial flowers, flowers for ladies of fashion to wear. She made artificial flowers, artificial flowers, made out of pennies to spare. Now listen. They found little Annie all covered with ice still clutching her poor frozen sheers and amongst all of those blossoms that she'd fashioned by hand, you know watered with all her young tears. There has got to be a heaven where Annie can play. A heavenly gardens and bowers, but instead of a halo, she's gonna wear upon her head a garland of genuine flowers. No more artificial flowers. Artificial flowers, flowers for ladies of high society to wear. Throw away all of them flowers, you know those dumb flowers made out of Annie's despair. Say it with flowers. Merry Christmas. That's a Christmas song, everybody.
Leo: Peter Petty and Mary Lynn, that's a beautiful name. La Boissonaire. The beautiful Boissonaire. What does that mean?
Cherie Lynn Boissonaire: The drunken woodsman.
Leo: How appropriate. Meanwhile, I think we lost Ohdoctah. Thank you, Mary Lynn. Oh my.
Dick: I love that your moustache has evolved into a...
Leo: She curled my mustache! Oh and they're giving me back the jagger. We wouldn't want to lose that. It's OK. Why don't you guys take a bottle to the show. They're going to be at the Mystic tonight and all over. The Dean-O-Holics, and I just thought we should have a little festivity because it is boxing day. I think Ohdoctah we just put you right out. I don't know if we got a shot of him. Are you disgruntled?
Owen: I'm not disgruntled. I've been drinking and it's moustache day and I was listening to the songs.
Leo: You know why I had to put on a mustache? Because all of you have facial hair except me.
Owen: You scared me for a second. I thought I was frozen. You said you lost me. Where am I?
Leo: We didn't lose you. We didn't lose Ohdoctah. Instead of the Jager, I'm going with something a little more local. This is American born Moonshine. It comes in a Mason jar. Look at this. It's got a seal on it so it must be legal and you can drink it out of the jar like that.
Owen: Who is dragging you home tonight? They got a wheelbarrow or something?
Leo: Mary Lynn really melted my moustache there.
Greg: Also great for disolving bodies!
Leo: It would be. Very handy. But you saw what happened in Breaking Bad. You don't want to use that in the Iron bathtub.
Greg: Don't do that. You'll get something else entirely.
Leo: How are you guys doing, Paul and Storm? I haven't seen you in a year. We see you once a year. Everything going well? You guys don't live together anymore. I'm sorry to hear that.
Paul: We just want to be very clear, Leo, that we still love you very much and it's not your fault. Mommy and Daddy will always love you.
Leo: Oh my goodness. Where have you moved to?
Paul: Go ahead, Storm.
Greg: I am still rooted here in Arlington Virginia and Paul is somewhere to the North. I sense.
Paul: I'm outside of Philadelphia.
Leo: I thought you lived in a clubhouse together. Once in a while you get together and perform music? Is that the deal?
Greg: We have a mobile clubhouse. It's a clubhouse of the heart.
Paul: Woodstock nation.
Leo: I'm thrilled to have you back and I understand that Jonathon Colton wanted to be here. He had his underwear collection all ready. He couldn't. He's touring I think so he couldn't be with us this evening. He's been performing a lot. You guys went on the cruise with him. How did that go?
Paul: That's been going well. We co-produced that cruise.
Leo: How many have you done now?
Paul: We have done five.
Paul: Our sixth is happening February 21.
Leo: People arent sick of it yet?
Greg: Up to 12,000 people in 2016. It's so much fun. Who do we have this year?
Paul: Hochman. The late, lamented Hochman who is no longer with us on these holiday casts.
Leo: What happened? Did he get too big for us? Is that what happened?
Paul: I think so. He doesn't do the online thing. I think he is officially in his doomsday bunker and only communicates by tapping on a metal pipe.
Leo: Last time he was on the show he was in the studio and took his shoes off and started picking his toes. I didn't take well to that.
Greg: I can't see why.
Leo: I think he sensed my dismay.
Paul: Who do we have? We have Allie Brosh, who creates Hyperbole and a Half comic, we have Imogen Heep.
Leo: I love Imogen Heep. She is selling her records on the block chain now. Did you hear that?
Paul: Is that some phrase the kids use these days?
Leo: Explain what the blockchain is, Ohdoctah. You know that.
Owen: I don't.
Leo: I'm not going to ask Dick Debartolo.
Dick: It's the chain around the block.
Leo: No. It's the chain that makes Bitcoin. It's the magic of the math. Imogen Heep is the first major signed... is she unsigned now? Is she on her own?
Greg: She is independent. She is an independent pioneer. Much like Jonathon.
Leo: She's decided to use the Blockchain technology because in some ways it protects artist's rights while still making it possible to buy music. Her music is great.
Paul: And all that chatting has gotten me to bring up our website. We've got John Kransburg from They Might Be Giants will be DJing our dance party. Hip Hop artist Gene Gray is coming. She was on last year and she was a total blast. Commedian Paul F. Tompkins who is king of all podcasts. No offense, Leo.
Leo: I never heard of him. How can he be the King of All podcasts?
Paul: He's the world's greatest guest and host of podcasts.
Leo: He's a good guest. I should have him on. He's certainly a dresser.
Paul: He is. He's a well-dressed man. His current podcast is called Spontania Nation. It's half Interview and half improv show based on the Interview.
Leo: Kind of like this. I thought he did... No. You shut up.
Paul: He does that as well.
Leo: You shut up.
Paul: I see. You're doing a bit. We have a whole comedy night, including Mike Lee in black.
Leo: No wonder you get this many people. That's a big ship too.
Paul: We got Matt Fraction and Kelly C. Dukonick, great comic book artists and writers. Amy Mann and Ted Leo.
Leo: Amy Mann?!? The Amy Mann?
Paul: Authors Patt Rothfus and John Scalzi.
Leo: The Name of the Wind? Holy cow.
Paul: That's the one. Will Wheaton, of the Will Wheatons.
Leo: He's a repeat as well, isn't he?
Paul: He's a regular. Whole bunch of great people.
Leo: Six years now. You don't do this yearly?
Paul: It is annual.
Leo: This is six years you've been doing that?
Leo: I'm going on a cruise all by myself.
Paul: That sounds lovely.
Leo: i just wanted to be by myself.
Owen: You rented a dingy?
Leo: No. It's the same Cruise Line. It's RCL, but it’s the Anthem of the Sea. You're going on the Freedom of the Seas. I'm going on the Anthem of the Seas.
Greg: That's the sister ship of the Quantum of the Seas I believe.
Leo: Where do they get these names?
Greg: They pull them out of a hat.
Leo: Quantum of the Seas sounds like a James Bond episode. That is a crazy name for a boat. At least Freedom sounds like you're free. Quantum?
Paul: It's a ship where you can't know its position and speed at the same time.
Leo: It sails on quantum foam.
Paul: It arrives before it leaves.
Greg: The next one is going to be the Buzzword of the Seas. They're really excited about that one.
Leo: It's a matter of time before you use emojis. Dick Debartolo. How the hell are you?
Dick: I'm good, sir. And you?
Leo: I don't want to leave you out of this, so jump right in.
Leo: Every time we visit Gisney Land, Dick's lair in Manhattan, there is something else going on. What is over your right shoulder there? Are you growing a Christmas tree?
Dick: Oh no. This is my famous Christmas tree from the Colin Farrell movie.
Leo: Tell us the story of that, because this is your LED Christmas tree.
Dick: This is my fiberoptic Christmas tree. Many years ago and they were doing a shoot down at the Marina and Colin Farrell plays a detective and it's Christmas Eve and he's lonely, and he walks out on the back of his deck and he sees a houseboat where people are having a party, so they rented my houseboat even though it was July and they made my houseboat up with Christmas lights and they had a party in the back window. The next day the scenic people called and said we're coming down to take everything off your boat. Anything you want, take, because we are trashing everything that is there.
Leo: That's how movies are made, right?
Dick: Yes. I said I love the fiberoptic Christmas tree, and they said take anything. You'll save us grief of hauling it to the dumpster.
Leo: Colin Ferrell worshipped Christmas. That story was so... the star of what?
Greg: Tree Cop 2 they're re-decorating.
Leo: That story moved me that i'm going to have another... he's going to have another egg nog. I swear.
Paul: Storm is chugging. It's a party now.
Dick: What have I got to drink?
Leo: What is that? Is that booze?
Dick: Yeah. With my name on it.
Owen: Do you drink it like cologne?
Leo: It does look like cologne!
Dick: No. It's called double cross vodka. They engrave my name on it and I did a show and that was to pay.
Leo: Admit it. That's a bribe from some tech company, isn't it?
Dick: No. I did a thing for Producers’ Guild of America. They said listen, we appreciate you doing that. Have some vodka and drink it.
Leo: What's the biggest bribe you've ever gotten from a tech company?
Dick: There's no such thing. There's a test to get on Good Morning America. I said there's no such thing as This has to get on Good Morning America, they said you don't understand. It doesn't matter what it costs, it's going to get on Good Morning America.
Leo: On my god.
Dick: I said you've got to be kidding. First of all, how do we know anybody is going to like it? Second of all, I don't even want to deal with this because you don't approach a reporter with that attitude.
Leo: It's an insult. I once had a company send me a safe. A physical, you know a safe that you put your valuables in.
Dick: That weighs 5,000 pounds kind of safe?
Paul: When you say they sent it, you mean you were walking along on the sidewalk and it dropped from a great height?
Leo: That's where I got the grand piano and an anvil. Here it is. This is a company that is no longer in business. It was called Securely and they delivered it. It was an IOS password. See this? Talk about a bribe. Apps you love from People you Trust. Leo Laporte podcasting legend, it said on the front of it.
Dick: It sounds like the beginning of a Reddit thread.
Paul: If they were really smart, what they would have done is send you the safe, send it to you locked. If this gets a good review, we'll send you the combination to open this and you can get the money that is contained inside.
Dick: Thy should have sent you a dozen of those signs that they could put on everything you have.
Leo: Apparently they did the same thing to a bunch of other tech journalists. They sent them a safe and inside as I remember, there was a USB key with their software on it.
Owen: That's one way to make sure you open it up.
Leo: Do you ever get anything wacky like that from the Tech companies?
Owen: I got video games and microphones. I'm not special enough to get into the upper echelon. I'm getting free dinners and flights and stuff. White hennessey. Pure White cognac.
Leo: How does that go over in the African American community? Is that a popular...
Owen: No. I'll tell you what. African American community pays double price for this. This is what you get duty free when you travel internationally. I could put this on Craig's list for 90 all day.
Leo: Why would you want brown liquor?
Owen: Everybody likes liquor. Some people like them white like they like their women.
Leo: It's like Pepsi Clear. Didn't they joke about that?
Dick: They did do that, yeah.
Owen: It's out right now. You can get it in stores this month.
Paul: They put out what was it, Aryan coke, I think?
Leo: The drink of the aryan nation. Crystal Pepsi apparently doesn't taste like Pepsi.
Owen: It does not.
Leo: What does it taste like?
Leo: What the hell?
Paul: You keep throwing 1.65 down the toilet.
Leo: Tastes like disappointment is what it tastes like. Actually I should do an ad right now before I get too drunk. I should talk a little. Hey, actually this is a good one. Do you guys meditate?
Owen: I do.
Paul: For the sake of this ad, you bet!
Leo: Seriously. It's all the rage in Silicon Valley right now.
Owen: I meditate three times a week.
Leo: It's not the thing where you go and get a mantra stuff. This guy named Andy Putticomb is a brilliant teacher of meditation. He was a monk. He did the stuff. He's got the cutest British accent, I love him. He's created an app called HeadSpace. It's an app and it starts you and it explains how to do it. The whole idea is to reduce stress and center yourself. Kind of feel good. I've been using this since July and I am in love with it, because I've been trying to reduce stress. Stress is an issue with health and I've been trying to get healthier, drink right, eat right. This is part of my health regiment. By the way, we've got ten free meditation sessions for you if you go to headspace.com/twit. It's IOS. Maybe you saw his Ted talk. He did a great Ted Talk. 5.5 million views. Can you hear his voice in his? There he is.
Andy Putticomb: Train your mind for a healthier, happier, more enjoyable life.
Leo: He's so cute! He's got this great English accent. When I hear this, my blood pressure goes down, my heart rate slows down. Andy is in my head now. They have 4 million users, including Emma Watson, Jared Leto, Gwyneth Paltrow. This is not an airy fairy thing. This is about starting your day with a guided meditation. It's easy to do. You're not sitting legs folded and stuff. It is so awesome. I want you to try it. headspace.com/twit. They're a brand new sponsor. I think this is the first ad we've done for them. I'm a fan. Free ten-day trial. I'm telling you after ten days, if you don't feel good, if you don't feel better, it's fine. They know this. The key is to get those first ten meditations. When you buy the app which isn't very expensive, they have the whole thing. It's beautiful. I love it.
Paul: How long is a meditation, Leo?
Leo: Ten minutes. I think you did meditate.
Dick: I did. I had a mantra.
Leo: You did yoga, right?
Leo: You're a very spiritual fellow. You would like this. That's Storm's head on headspace.
Greg: I just thought about meditating and now I'm in the proper headspace.
Owen: Three times a week. Monday, Wednesday, Friday.
Leo: Why don't you do it every day, Owen?
Owen: Because I'm a centered person. The same way you see me rage out, the same way I come back down. I'm always balanced, baby.
Leo: Don't you love it?
Owen: You can't do everything every day. You got to have balance. You can't meditate every day. Balance in all things my brother.
Leo: This is like me and exercise. It's something I want to start the day with. I know right now I'm wearing a phony mustache, a phony gold bowtie, a velvet smoking jacket and a santa hat, but you can trust me.
Dick: That is the picture of trust.
Leo: I feel like I should talk like this.
Paul: This should be your new Wikipedia page front page picture.
Leo: Yes. You're welcome. Thank you. Who is that guy, Dick?
Paul: The great Gildersleeve.
Leo: Paul got that? Oh my god.
Paul: Mark it down.
Leo: The great Gildersleeve. He had a radio show. Oh my god. I can't believe it. That's very good. I don't know if I look like him, but I might sound a little bit like him. The Great Gildersleeve. Yes? There he is. He was in a lot of movies. Right?
Paul: Pretty much every guy of my generation, if you know the Great Gildersleeve, it was from the spoof they used to do. There was a Loony Toons spoof where that character was on it, although it wasn't actually him.
Leo: that is so wild. I'm a little older than you, but I don't remember The Great Gildersleeve.
Dick: That's way old!
Paul: Here you go. It was an offshoot of fibber Mcgee and Molly.
Leo: Let's listen. Unfortunately this is on real audio. Here's the great Gildersleeve Christmas show. This is 1946, Christmas. This reminds me a lot of this show.
AUDIO: It's the Great Gildersleeve, starring Harold Parry. Brought to you by the Kraft Foods Company, makers of marjoram...
AUDIO: Well, it's almost here. Only one more day and there isn't a kid in the country who looks forward to it with more eagerness than Gildersleeve.
Leo: He sounds like the guy behind the counter at Sanford and Son. Is that right?
AUDIO: HIs dimples how merry. What a load of parcels he's got!
Leo: What a load of parcels.
AUDIO: Bertie, quick. Help me here Bertie.
Leo: Oh dear, I'm sorry, Owen. Stop it right there. That's it. Oh my god. I am so sorry. Drink some of that white stuff.
Paul: 1946 America was so quaint.
Leo: Let me ask you this, Owen. Let's talk. Do you look at that and say of course that was a long time ago and people were ignorant then, or do you find that as offensive as it...
Owen: Personally, sir, I's don't gets offended by many thangs on the Internet. Back in the day, we was just so happy to have a job. That Brother was on the national news radio while other people couldn't even read. Now as far as I'm concerned, he had a job, stable employment, and he is here available for us to listen to decades after. How many people can say that? How many?
Greg: I smell Gildersleeve reboot. It's in the air.
Leo: Have you seen Steve Asari's new TV show? Master of none. It's brilliant. One of the first episodes is about Indian actors. I feel guilty about this, because I do the Indian accent, and now I'm not going to do it anymore, because all the Indian actors they have to talk like this. That's the same thing, it's just updated.
Owen: At the same time, the thing I... I just wish I could keep saying white people are crazy. We know white people are crazy. Some people stereotypes just work. When a black community makes a joke about black people loving chicken, it's because black people love chicken. As far as speaking in the culture of another language, you hear that voice, you know what it is, you know what it's about, but as long as you're not using it in a negative evil tone, it shouldn't be that big of a deal. When you have the old Asian things, they have slanted eyes... some people take offense to it, some people take it as a joke, but it depends on the context and the use of it how you're trying to do it. Where is comedy going any more. It's like they try to destroy everything because they have to be so PC. Don't go Donald Trump crazy, but if it's funny it's funny. I heard that and I knew he was about to cut that off. If I wasn't here and it was a pack of white men, you'd get so may emails, Leo I can't believe you played that.
Leo: This is an interesting question. Comedy often has a butt of the joke. Always.
Leo: Modern comedians are often self depricating, so they make themselves the butt of the joke. But there's always somebody. Look, you're all comics. Dick, this has been your profession for sixty years. Not stand up, but you write humor.
Dick: Yeah, for Mad.
Leo: Paul and Storm, as great musically as you are, it's a very funny act. You do a lot of comedy in your act.
Greg: We're going to be writing for the new Mystery Science Theatre 3000.
Leo: You're kidding! Congratulations! They just raised a ton of money. Holy cow. I hope you get a little bit of that chedda.
Greg: this much.
Leo: That's exciting. We're going to talk about that in a second. Put a thumb tack in that. I want to go back to that. So Dick, your comedy is very gentle and sweet.
Dick: Yeah. The thing is that we don't at Mad, we take on idiotic things, but we never make fun of religion or color. Mad has changed over the years, because a professor writing a thesis on Comedy said I looked at some early Mad and they did a lot of Mad gay stereotypes. He gave me an Issue Number and I went back and looked it up. I had written it. Every kind of camp that kids could go to. One was Camp Drag. 8 stereotype things kids could do there. I was talking to John Fikerra, and I told him about the article and he said sometimes we reprint things but we put a banner at the top of the reprint saying Society has changed, Mad has changed, but this is something that we thought was doable forty years ago. It's like Turner Classic Movies. There will be a terrible black person stereotype, they don't edit it out, but you look at it and go that was terrible back then.
Leo: It doesn't age well.
Dick: yes. It doesn't age well at all. It doesn't age well at all.
Leo: I want to point out that we aren't so enlightened. Asiv Asari opened my eyes to the stereotypes we have of East Indians. I hadn't really thought about it, and he was all upset, because the Indian in the Johnny Five movie, Short Circuit, plays him and he's a white man. That's insulting. Or when Charlie Chan is played by Warner Olen, a white guy. They tape his eyes back.
Owen: I don't know if you can see this. This is what happens when you're black too. My friend texted me this and it is a classic Christmas cartoon she was watching with her kids, and she was like my husband made me turn this off and text you. Look he's also shining shoes. They got all the races. The Asian people. I was like what show is this? That's pushing it too far. Classic Christmas Volume 1, re-released 2006.
Leo: I'm sure it was the 40s.
Owen: Back then, if you're watching it and the kids are enjoying it, just watch it and explain to them about stuff. It's almost just as bad if you turn it off and let them know that it's not OK to do that.
Leo: That's how it was. Knox Harrington in our chatroom is pointing out if you watch White Christmas this year, I watch it every year, no it wasn't White Christmas, it was Holiday Inn, the first place White Christmas was sung, they do all the Holidays, including Lincoln's birthday in blackface.
Owen: Blackface I've got a problem with.
Leo: It's because it's white people, right? But that's the minstrel shows.
Owen: That's something else I can explain. Blackface, hearing that voice doesn't annoy me that much because I dont' really care. There's something inherent when I see old blackface that enrages my heart because I'm like you couldn't even give a brother a job?
Leo: White guy got the job!
Owen: At that point, really? You couldn't have somebody do it?
Leo: I want to see that we've gotten better. In some respects, I guess we don't do that anymore. I saw your Instagram and it broke my heart, Owen, that you got pulled over for driving while black for the 12th time this year. You know why it broke my heart? You were driving yoru daughter to school. She had to experience that.
Owen: That's the second time she's been in the car. The one time I was at her school and the guy pulled me over. The funny thing is I'm not with her mother, so when I take her to school on my days, her Mom makes her lunch. So when I stop at the house she jumps out of the car, picks up lunch and comes back. The thing was, the cop sees me pull up to the street, stop for 30 seconds and pull off. I don't know if he thought I was picking up drugs or doing a drug deal or whatever because I was out of the driveway, he was like I saw your stop and go back there. I was like, "I"m picking up my daughter's lunch, bro." I was right around the corner from the school. He was like, you're going to the school? I'm not trying to avoid you to go to school to hide from you. I'm dropping off my child.
Leo: You hope we're getting better. Dick, I got to call you on this. Did you see this new cover of Mad magazine, and you're making fun of Donald Trump.
Dick: I know. The one person in the world you would think we'd leave alone. When the cover came out, I had a tweet that I sent out that said did you ever think the day would come when Alfred would come off looking better than the other subject?
Leo: Anyway. Owen, I feel terrible for you. I don't know what the answer is. I really don't.
Owen: The answer is time. Things are way better than they are, people are way better than they are. There's always been bad people in the world. You know what I mean? People dislike Jews, Muslims. There's always somebody to hate, there's always somebody to be hateful.
Leo: We need that. People need that. We need the other to make us feel better. I think it's genetic that we have our tribe and there's the other. The other always has to be bad, don't they?
Owen: My one friend was going off about Donald Trump and she was like you should make an angry video about Donald Trump. You know what? I'm thankful to Donald Trump. I should make a thank you video to Donald Trump beacuse I know he's acting and doing whatever he needs to do for attention, but at the same time he's cutting the grass and I get to see a whole lot of snakes in that grass. I see all kinds of people that I'm friendly with that are agreeing with certain things and I'm like check you off the list. I'm not saving you from a burning building. You can get flushed down the toilet. Thank you Donald Trump so much for showing these evil people surrounding me. I love to see snakes in the grass. Very appreciative of Donald Trump.
Leo: You mentioned at least a brother or sister was getting a job in that old time radio show. This is the quintissential example of this. The great Butterfly McQueen who was a great actress in Gone with the Wind but played this stereotype. But boy was she a great actress.
Butterfly McQueen: I've never seen them Ms. Scarlett.
Leo: She said she was glad to be working. In 1939, that was the best you could do.
Owen: I'm going to be back in 30 seconds. I'm going to get something so I can show it to you.
Leo: We're going to take a break.
Paul: Let's take the next three and a half hours. Let's watch Gone with the Wind!
Leo: I wish I could do it. What a great movie. I probably just violated 18 copyright laws doing that. It's really frustrating by the way. You know what? This is fair use because this is a news show. I know I'm wearing a fake mustache and drinking egg nog and moonshine, but this is a news program and we're talking about serious subjects.
Greg: That's what we should try on our next album.
Leo: Did you guys get in copyright trouble?
Greg: We did have one take down notice. We did a cover song, and someone was claiming they had rights. We did a parody version of a song.
Leo: Parody is always OK right?
Dick: Parody is in a world of its own.
Paul: The funny thing was the takedown notice was issued by another artist who had done their own parody version.
Leo: Wait a minute, a parody of a parody is not covered.
Paul: Except we weren't parodying the parody.
Greg: Take it down and then it's the burden of that person. We're independent artists. We can't have our lawyers go and clean it up, so you just make a calculation is it worth my time to put this video out there? The big guy wins every time.
Leo: Has Mad magazine been sued ever, Dick?
Dick: Yeah. Mad got sued by Irving Berlin. Frank Jacobs had written lyrics to one of his songs and he sued Mad for 500 thousand dollars. Frank Jacobs said could he pay it off at 5 dollars a week. Irving Berlin didn't think that was funny, so it did go to court. The Judge said Mr. Berlin, they aren't printing your music, and in fact you should be flattered that people know your music well enough that they can sing this parody to the tune, but Mad owes you nothing.
Greg: That was one of the landmark cases of Fair use, I believe. If I recall correctly.
Dick: As a matter of fact, Gaines for years, even before Parody was so accepted, if he would find a magazine anywhere that he would read about that was being sued, he would call them and say I have lawyers. Let me cover all your court costs. One day if they sue little magazines, they will work their way up to suing me. I want to get this taken care of right away. Now it's parody as comedy is a viable art form is what the rule is now.
Leo: Many things to thank Bill Gains for. Oh look. Owen has grown a head of hair.
Owen: That voice I was doing earlier, I told my friend. He said you should make videos about things that are overtly racist and be a black guy that agrees with the racism. So I bought happyblacky.com. The voice is going to be I love Mr. Trump. I know one thing, there's something crazy about the Muslims. I don't know what it is. They pray a lot. All I know is Donald Trump has great hair. You think it's crazy, but I think it's amazing.
Leo: That's the way to fight it. Isn't it?
Owen: No matter what, this black guy is always happy.
Leo: Use humor to fight it. Use parody. That's the power of satire. It punctures the pomposity. Say that after three Jagers. You know what I'm in the mood for? A little more music. Ladies and Gentlemen, I can't remember their name.
Dean 2: Drinking baby. Courtesy Leo. (Singing)How lucky can one guy be? I kissed her and she kissed me. Like a fella once said, "Ain't that a kick in the head?" The room was completely black, I hugged her and she hugged back, Like a sailor said quote "Ain't that a hole in a boat?" My head keeps spinnin' I got to sleep and keep grinnin' If this is just the beginnin' My life is gonna be beautiful. I've sunshine enough to spread, It's just like the fella said, Tell me quick, Ain't that a kick in the head? Like the fella once said, "Ain't that a kick in the head?" Here's my favorite part! We're going to be at the Mystic tonight. We're going to be at the Lodge in April here in Petaluma. Make sure you come out and see us. I know tonight was back in December, but we hope to see you there. Like the sailor said, quote "Ain't that a hole in a boat?" My head keeps spinnin' I got to sleep and keep grinnin' If this is just the beginnin' My life is gonna be beautiful. She's telling me we'll be wed, She's picked out a king size bed. I couldn't feel any better Or I'd be dead. Tell me quick, Oh, ain't that a kick? Tell me quick, Ain't that a kick in the head?
I'll drink to that. Ladies and gentlemen, before we get too crazy, how about something a little more Christmasy your way? I give you the late, Marilyn Monroe.
Mary: I want to be loved by you just you and nobody else but you. I want to be loved by you a long boop boop be doo. I want to be kissed by you, just you and nobody else but you. I want to be kissed you alone. I couldn't aspire to anything higher than to feel the desire to make you my own. I want to be loved by you just you and nobody else but you. I want to be loved by you alone. Oh. Come dance with me. Sure. Oh thank you, Peter. It's so good to see you.
man 2: Ladies and gentlemen, as I mentioned on April 22, we'll be here in Petaluma doing a fundraiser for the Elks’ lodge. Make sure you come out and see us. Even though it's April. For the bunny with the antlers. Marilyn.
Mary: I couldn't aspire to anything higher than to feel the desire to make you my own. I want to be loved by you just you and nobody else but you. I want to be loved by you. Thank you, Merry Christmas!
Leo: The Dean O Holics, ladies and gentlemen. We are having fun. This is a special edition. If you just tuned in and you're like what are they talking about? There's no tech news the week of Christmas. We like to do a holiday edition. This is our boxing day edition. The day after Christmas, boxing day edition of This Week in Tech. As always, the great Paula nd Storm are going cruise crazy in a couple of months. Go to jococruise.com if you'd like to join the gang. You have so many great guests this year! Dick Debartolo. He's the Giz whiz. Go to giz.tv to see his weekly show with the great OMG Chad and supported on Patreon. And Owen JJ Stone.
Owen: Barbecue sauce! Because it's delicious. I put it on my chicken, applesauce, grapes, everything. Have you ever had it on rice krispies treats? It's delicious.
Leo: He's the only happy black man, ladies and gentleman. Our show brought to you by lynda.com. Lynda.com is a great learning platform for all you people. All year long we've been so happy to have Lynda as a sponsor. We know if you watch our shows you like to learn. That means you would love lynda.com. These are not Youtube videos, these are professional...
Paul: Lynda taught me flash.
Leo: Absolutely. And now she can un-teach you Flash. Seriously. A bunch of HTML 5 classes on there if it's time to move on from Flash, and believe me. lynda.com has got web development, for programming, for Office, for business skills too. There's nothing like lynda.com. If you're interested in photography and Image editing, I am an absolutely avid photographer and I love the Lynda courses in photography, Photoshop, creative colab, Photoshop for photographers. Those are news. They also have advanced courses. Things like performance tuning your cannon digital SLR. There's Ben Long. Looks like Drone photography with Ben this week. That's exciting. Light painting with a drone at night. That sounds cool! They take great care to make fantastic videos. You pay one flat rate and you get access to everything. You don't have to declare a major. You can watch everything. They've got great written transcripts. I love black and white photography. I want to do more of that. They got great transcripts so you can search into the course you want. Just go to lynda.com/twit2. Give it a try. I think you'll love it. By the way, great teachers. There's my friend, Ben Long who is not only a great photographer passionate talented photographer, but also a great teacher. That's what this is all about. The best teachers, the best subjects. Lynda.com/twit2. We thank them so much for their support of this show all through the year.
Paul: Here's the important question, Leo. Where did you get that fabulous jacket?
Leo: My wife gave it to me. Isn't it beautiful? She got this for me as a Christmas present last year. It's velvet and satin and I've had through the years a series of tatty smoking jackets. This one is in perfect condition. Did you get this on Etsy?
Lisa: No. I think Ruby lane.
Leo: But it’s vintage. It actually was the Great Gildersleeves. And they got it at an estate sale.
Paul: Oh, yes. I’m dead now. Who’s wearing my clothing?
Leo: You know what the great—please, I won’t be needing this in hell.
Paul: It’s my legacy please.
Leo: But the great thing about this is it did not fit me when she gave it to me. And I’ve lost 20 pounds I’m happy to say. And it fits now.
Leo: So it’s a happy moment. But of course I’m gaining all that weight back as we speak.
Dick: You’re sad.
Leo: I’ll drink to that. You guys are great. I really appreciate you’re being here. It is, you know, it’s always a puzzle what to do at the end of the year and I don’t want to do the usual thing. I like to do the holiday show. And I think you asked us earlier in the year, “Are you guys going to do it?” And at the time I thought, “No.” But, what did we do? I don’t think we did it last year. But I think it’s time.
Jason: I don’t think we did.
Leo: But it’s time to bring it back. And I should warn people because in a couple of days they’re going to tune into TWiT hoping to see our 24 hour New Year’s Eve special and I won’t be here. I’ll be on a freaking boat. That’s what I’m going to be on, the Anthem of the Seas.
Dick: I hope you’re bringing a jacket.
Leo: Oh, I should. I should.
Greg: Soon we’ll be making another run. Hey, Gopher. Whoa.
Leo: Look at that. Have you been on Royal Caribbean on your other trips? Or is this the first time?
Greg: Oh, what, this ship?
Leo: No, but I mean are you normally on RCL?
Greg: Yea. No, we started out on Holland America the first two years and then it’s been Royal Caribbean and we asked—
Leo: And do you guys like it? You have to like it.
Greg: What’s that?
Leo: You guys like it obviously.
Greg: Yea, yea, yea. They do a great job there.
Leo: Yea. I’m looking forward to it. This one had this unusual accoutrement. It has a crane—
Leo: You have this too?
Paul: No, but we’ve been on, we’ve been on the Quantum that has the same thing.
Leo: Yea, with a bubble, like the London Eye. And you get in it and it goes out over the water.
Greg: And it dumps you into the sea.
Leo: And it drops you into the sea. There it is. There’s the crane. You see that?
Greg: It’s got a, does the, that one have the sky diving simulator?
Leo: Yea, it has a skydiving simulator. I Fly. It’s a giant fan. And one of the reasons I lost weight is so I can go on that thing. It’s on the back of the boat there. Because you know, it blows you in the air. You put on a skydiving suit and then it blows you in the air. They have a bumper car thing. They have rock climbing wall.
Greg: Oh they have the robot bar. Do they have that?
Leo: Robot bar. They do. I don’t know if—
Paul: We, when we did our, we did a brief, one of the perks we get is we get, we sometimes get sent out on these sort of preview sailings.
Paul: We did that one for the Quantum and it was, it was the 2 of us, Colton and our other partner, and we spent a good hour seeing if we could break the robot bar. Because the thing where you enter your drink order via these tablets and it—
Leo: Oh, yea, that’s it. That’s the robot bar.
Greg: Oh, wow,.
Paul: You can either enter like, you can enter pre-programmed drinks or you can sort of build your own drink. And we were trying, you know you can do something like 20 steps and we were doing stuff, we were like, “Ok, put in some ice and then put in a shot of vodka and then more ice, and then put in a lemon and then put in a lime and then put in more ice.” And we were trying to, and we successfully broke it 2 or 3 times.
Leo: When you say broke it, did it go wild and—
Paul: Yea, it just started throwing glasses.
Greg: Body parts everywhere.
Paul: It just stopped and shrugged basically. I mean the guy had to hit a reset button and looked at us real—
Leo: It feels like, it feels like they’re holding back. Like, they’re moving slow. They could move a lot faster.
Paul: Oh sure.
Leo: They don’t want to scare you. And the booze is above them, right?
Leo: Those are the bottles hanging upside down.
Paul: Yea, and if you see in the back there there’s sort of what looks like little soda fountains tucked into those black areas. That’s where they get like the soda water, club soda and things like that. Ice and such. So it’s a whole system.
Leo: So now, this thing, this boat has 5,000 passengers on it. Is there, there must be, is there a line for the robots? Because it seems like they’re moving slowly.
Paul: Well it’s kind of neat. They have it set up so they have iPads all around. So just order from wherever you are and then there’s a board. It actually shows statistics of what’s being, what’s being ordered. And then they give a moment.
Leo: So weird.
Paul: By like name of drink, by what’s in the drink. So you hang out. They’ve got music playing so it’s sort of a robot rave.
Leo: So this is the entertainment.
Paul: Yea, oh yea. This is it. This is the sole entertainment on this ship. Watching robot arms making gin and tonics all week.
Leo: And you have to think these robots are going, “I used to work at a Ford factory. Now I’m—“
Paul: I was making Mercedes.
Leo: I was making Mercedes and now it’s whiskey sours for—Dick, you love cruises. You love the boats, don’t you?
Dick: I do. I did a couple of cruises for Cunard. I did a crossing, you had to do 2 one and a half hour shows to get a free crossing.
Leo: Oh. So what did you do?
Dick: I did backstage at Mad Magazine.
Leo: Nice. Fun.
Dick: And then I did backstage at Game Shows.
Leo: Because you did the Match Game. I don’t know if you guys know this-- oh Dick, you’ve grown your afro out.
Owen: You haven’t, you, it took you that long and you didn’t notice that do?
Owen: It took you this long?
Dick: I just wanted to see, I just wanted to see how much booze Leo had.
Owen: I’m like, dude, how are you not talking about his luxuriousness? You can’t see the luxuriousness in front of your face? You look like a young Elvis Presley with a beard.
Leo: He does. He does. Elvis. Cunard of course is the QA2, the QA3, the Queen Mary.
Dick: The Queen Mary 2, yea.
Leo: And you were on the new Queen Mary, right?
Dick: Yea. That was, that was, that was a perk of ABC. And these guys are talking about going on one of those 1st cruises for the press. And I called my producer at ABC and I said, “I’m going to do a spot and you cannot say no to it.” And he said, “Ok. What is the spot?” I said, “Technology on the Queen Mary 2.” And he said, “Oh, that sounds interesting.” I said, “Ok, good. Because I’ve got to go one that ship.” And it was a—
Leo: I was on, and I told you this, the original Queen Mary as a kid.
Dick: Oh, the one that’s in Long Beach.
Leo: the one’s that’s now in Long Beach in 1967. It was the 2nd to last voyage. And I was a kid and we were coming back from Europe and we sailed on the Q, on the Queen Mary and I will never forget it. They brought you, it was the last gasp probably of the grand old days of cruising, of ocean, you know, trans-oceanic liners. They had deck chairs. You’d go sit there. The purser would come out, cover you with a blanket and then he’d come around with cups of hot bullion and you’d drink a cup of hot—yea. And you’d say, “Where, bring me, bring me the entertainers. I want some black face.” And they would find you one.
Greg: Then they’d wheel forth the stock ticker machine that would tumble out.
Greg: Check your stocks.
Leo: Sell the Union Carbide.
Paul: Constant calls for Philip Morris.
Leo: Oh, you know I think, I do think they had people in little hats. They weren’t midgets but they had—(laughing). See, there’s another thing we’ve got to stop saying. They’re little people.
Greg: They’re little people, yes.
Leo: They weren’t little people in hats, but there were bus, bell boys would go around and do things like offer Philip Morris.
Paul: You’re burying the lead here though, Leo, because you were just saying that Dick worked on the Match Game and this is-- somebody in the chat said you singlehandedly saved The Match Game and I would like to know if that is true. And if so, how.
Leo: Before we, before you say this, before, we just have to get everybody in the mood. Let’s play a little, a little Match Game music. Gene Rayburn and the long—
Dick: Let’s watch the stars as 5 celebrities try to play The Match Game.
Leo: (Laughing) A Mark Goodson, Bill Todman production. So Dick, yea, tell this story because this is a great story.
Dick: So I was hired to write The Match Game but when The Match Game first came on, they were all straight questions. Name something you can do with an egg. Name a president who appears on money.
Leo: Can you imagine how boring this game is?
Dick: Yea. And so it was a year contract and 10 months in Mark Goodson calls me in and he said, “Listen. NBC did not pick up Match Game for another year. So I’m just telling you now so you can start looking for work. But you have 2 months of shows. So, it’s just a heads up.” And then over the weekend, I was thinking, “God, you know what? Something could be done with this show.” So on Monday I went in and I said, “Mark, I have an idea.” I said, “You know, I worked for Mad.” And he goes, “I know.” And I said, “So why are we doing these straight questions when we could be doing things like Mary liked to pour gravy on John’s blank.” And that was the very first Match Game question ever.
Leo: Was it really?
Dick: Yes. And Goodson laughed and he said, “Well, that’s funny but what are people going to say?” I said, “Mort they’re going to laugh and then they’re going to say meatloaf, mashed potatoes.” And he said, “Well, it’s cancelled. They can’t cancel it twice. Do what you want.”
Greg: And then Charles Nelson Reilly is going to wiggle his glasses.
Dick: Yes, yes. So I started, I started writing those and a month later he calls me in and goes, “You know what, Dick? This is working really well because they picked it up for another year.” So, I never had, if I had gotten one percent of the show I’d be a multi-millionaire. I gave myself 18 years of employment so that was good.
Paul: I was going to say, I was kind of hoping your story was going to be, “I was the guy who said, ‘You know, geez, my microphone should be longer and skinnier.’” And that was the key to keeping the show, saving the show.
Leo: You know, Gene Rayburn, and God bless him and I’m following in his footsteps because, you’ve got to, Dick, he had to have been a little bit tipsy at least some of the time during that show.
Dick: Well the, you know, the afternoon shows were always that way, right? Of course they did 5 shows a day. So there was 3 shows in the morning, and then there was an hour and a half lunch break where they served, where you could have, they served wine. They didn’t like people to leave the studio so you had wine during lunch.
Leo: Oh, so they were all a little.
Dick: And then they went back, yea. And so the Thursday and Friday shows were much looser with people saying things they wouldn’t say on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday.
Leo: I have a little, I have a little video of The Match Game. This is the banned episode. And you might remember this. So these were big celebrities. And this was the prime time version of Match Game. Did they shoot that separately, or—
Dick: The nighttime version was on ABC.
Dick: And that was a whole other production.
Leo: So you weren’t involved in this production.
Dick: I wrote them all.
Leo: Oh, you wrote this too. He looks like he was smoking, wasn’t he? That’s something you don’t see every day.
Paul: Back then, yea.
Leo: And there’s—
Dick: And there’s his microphone.
Leo: Oh, I love that microphone. And he was so cool because he would hold it at his waist, you know.
Dick: And you know how that mic came about? You know, you do this, Leo.
Dick: During commercial breaks, Gene would walk out into the audience.
Leo: Right. Joan Collins, look at her. Wow.
Dick: And he could never hear, the rest of the audience could not hear what the contestants were saying.
Leo: We call her the white trash Liz Taylor was Joan Collins. I’m sorry, so, he would stick the microphone in their face.
Dick: So he would say to the sound guys, “Could I get a longer mic?” And then he said, “Looks funny on the game.” So they gave him this telescoping mic so that he could make it any length he wanted.”
Leo: But he liked to have it long, obviously.
Dick: Yea, he did. He did.
Leo: Because it was so cool because he would have it—I always wanted to be able to just hold my mic at my waist.
Dick: Why don’t you just carry a mic stand around with you?
Leo: I should. Look at that.
Paul: See this, it’s game shows like this. I grew up watching them. And these were the types of things that always made me believe when I was young that all famous people knew each other and all they did was hang out.
Leo: That’s right.
Paul: Hang out all day. You know it was just one huge Algonquin round table with ascots.
Leo: I think this is the one where they were a little tipsy because I understand Charles Nelson Reilly really lost it. Were there times when the celebrities would answer the dirty answer? Because there was a lot of innuendo.
Dick: Yes. Yes. Fanny Flagg, I forgot what the question was, but she said genitals.
Leo: Well, that’s not so bad.
Dick: Well, back then it was.
Leo: Couldn’t say that, yea.
Dick: You know the first time they said boobs they actually, the censor, we had censor back then in the early days, the censor turned to his wife and said, “Is that ok for people to hear?” And she said yes. And thank God.
Leo: The censor’s wife approved it.
Dick: Exactly, exactly.
Leo: I have the best staff in the world. Because my staff has now made for me an extending mic—
Dick: Oh, look at you. You are so lucky.
Leo: And now I too, like Gene Rayburn, I can reach it out into the audience.
Owen: The mic is drunk. The mic had Jaeger shots like you.
Paul: Your mic doesn’t seem quite as virile as Gene Rayburn’s.
Owen: His mic’s been drinking. His mic’s been drinking. It’s just as virile. It’s just as good. It’s just drunk, ok.
Leo: (Laughing) this has never happened before.
Dick: You need an electronic Viagra. They make it. Audiovox makes it.
Leo: All right.
Greg: Have you seen the chat?
Leo: The what? Are you watching the chat?
Leo: There’s your mistake right there.
Greg: No, Dick, you’re also Winky Dink. You wrote on Winky Dink and You, correct?
Leo: See the chat room knows Dick pretty darn well.
Dick: The chat room is, the chat room is like amazing.
Greg: (Laughing) no, my dad tells me stories about getting in trouble because he would draw on the TV on that show. And that might have been the last time he watched TV. But, yea.
Leo: My wife just walked in. Come here, come here, honey. Just walk over here a little bit.
Dick: Ok, this is going to be, this is going to be—(laughing).
Leo: Look at that. She completely—
Dick: No more booze for that man.
Leo: She completely fixed my mic. Let’s do a—(laughing).
Greg: Now let’s do an ad read.
Leo: Let’s do a—I have carefully arranged it so that the most offensive part of the show comes right before every ad read. Have you noticed that?
Greg: Yea, I have.
Leo: Transition. Ladies and gentlemen, our show brought to you by—I love this microphone. This is awesome. Our show today—and it’s now very firm and upright. Our show today brought (laughing). We were playing, we were playing a game before the show began, I would ask our esteemed panel, and Dick you have to rule your stuff out because you’ve been doing shows here a long time. Probably Odoctah, too, but Paul and Storm, they probably don’t know what FreshBooks is. It’s actually a life saver for probably a lot of the panelists here. Anybody who works as a freelancer and has to bill a client for, to get paid. And you know that’s the worst part, isn’t it? The worst part about being a freelancer is rummaging through receipts, trying to keep track of your expenses. And then at the end of the month, God, creating and formatting and sending invoices. You hate that?
Paul: It’s the worst.
Leo: It’s the worst. And then, oh worse than that, the client who doesn’t pay you. Like now what do you do?
Dick: Oh, this is too close to home.
Paul: Yea, when is my check coming, Leo?
Leo: Yea. Well, no, you guys, forget it. If you use Fresh—you know what? Clients love FreshBooks as much as you do. First of all, FreshBooks makes it really easy to invoice, with professional looking invoices. They go out, you can mail them but they also go out by email. And that’s actually great because there’s a Pay Me button right in there. And clients love it. Because you know, the truth is, and I’ve learned this about clients, they hate paying you as much as you hate invoicing them. It’s just more paperwork. They want to do their business. You want to do your business. So make it easy. They press the Pay You button and you get paid faster. In fact now, you can even get paid up front. You can request a deposit in FreshBooks so you don’t have to cover costs out of pocket or wait until the end of a project to get your, your loot, your moolah. It lets you organize your expenses easily. They have an app so you can actually take a picture of receipts and then put it right into the invoice. If you do time and hours, which none of your guys do because obviously you know, you don’t.
Greg: Because our time’s not worth anything. We know.
Leo: Pretty much that. I was going to say that, but I backed down. Maybe not. You can track your time if you have the app. And that’s nice because it goes right in the invoice. And here’s the best part. Automated late payment reminders so they’re the heavy not you. You can avoid those awkward emails and you get paid faster. With FreshBooks automated customer—
Dick: That’s the best.
Leo: I know! You guys should be using this. They also, if you do, if you’re in a business where you get reviews, you can do this, they have this new thing, this customer reviews report so you can collate your reviews, you can see them, you can post them on your website and they have now, they’re using, they have a card reader so you can accept credit cards. Swipe it right through there on your iPhone in less than a minute. It’s EMV, that means it works with chipped cards as well as swipe cards. It’s the new standard. Works right out of the box. So this is awesome. You open your invoice in the FreshBooks app, you plug in the reader, you say this is the bill. They swipe, or dip the chip or swipe the stripe, that’s the new, that’s how the kids talk today. Dip the chip or swipe the stripe.
Greg: Oh, kids are always swiping the stripe.
Leo: Swiping the stripe, man. And you get paid. FreshBooks. They continually innovate. They’re really good. And they’re Canadian too which makes it—
Greg: But Leo, I don’t necessarily want to spend a bunch of money on this product, and I haven’t tried it yet. It seems like I need a trial before I make a commitment.
Leo: Surely there’s a 30 day free trial somewhere in this. Why yes there is. At FreshBooks.com/twit. Thank you FreshBooks for your support all year long. It’s been a great year. We’ve really had a lot of fun at TWiT. And it seems like it’s been kind of a downer year in some ways. But then there’s been really cool stuff. Remember the fly by Pluto. We got to see the planet Pluto even if the planet Earth doesn’t have love, the planet Pluto has a big heart on it. I think in some way, well, we would be sad to see 2015 in the rear view mirror.
Owen: Who’s sad to see anything go? By the way, Uncle Leo, before you get on to talking about your last 2015, I’ve got a Christmas song or Jason’s got it. I’d like to play it for you. And this is somebody who’s a very angry man. He’s a very angry rapper but even he can see the joy in life when it comes to the holiday season.
Leo: All right, everybody—
Owen: And you too should look back at 2015 with a smile on your face and get out the door.
Leo: Get your eggnog, get your eggnog, get your moonshine, relax and listen. Here we go.
Commercial: During the holidays, you get used to smelly odors. You think it smells jolly but your guests disagree. Febreeze Air Effects doesn’t just mask, it eliminate odors you’ve gone nose blind too.
Owen: Santa’s funky.
Commercial: Break out the Febreeze.
Leo: Is that, is that—oh, ok. What was that all about? What was that all about?
Owen: Wait, what was that? That wasn’t my video.
Jason: That was the link I was passed.
Leo: (Laughing) thank you very much for sending us a Febreeze.
Owen: What? It is, that was a Santa Clause ad read.
Leo: You sent us a Febreeze? Are you trying to tell me something Owen? Are you say that even through the television, through Skype that I stink?
Owen: I sent you Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer from DMX. Because see, my ad is the Santa Claus. How’d they just send you the ad and not the video after the ad?
Jason: So it only shared the ad that came before the video. That is bizarre.
Owen: That is horrible. That is the worst thing.
Leo: Wait a minute, wait a minute--
Paul: Hold on you guys. Febreeze’s first album was really dope.
Leo: Yea, I agree. I agree. But it’s always that sophomore album that’s—
Greg: When I’m drinking Jägermeister, I’m drinking Febreeze. Personally I have Jägermeister at the moment.
Leo: (Laughing): All right, Owen, tell me and I will search for it because I have YouTube Red I don’t get any ads in my videos. So which one, what should I search for?
Owen: It’s DMX Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.
Leo: Who? By who?
Leo: DMX Rudolph—
Greg: How do you spell that? Duh?
Leo: You know what, do I want the remix or the original?
Owen: The original. I don’t know about the remix.
Leo: I want the official, here we go. Ladies and gentleman because I have YouTube Red—
DMX: But do you recall the most famous reindeer of all.
Leo: Oh my God. Is this what you wanted?
DMX: Had a very tiny nose. And if you ever saw him, you would even say it glows. Come one, come on. All of the other reindeer used to laugh and call him names. They never let poor Rudolph join in any reindeer games. Then one foggy Christmas eve, Santa came to say, come on, “Rudolph with your nose so bright, won’t you drive my sleigh tonight?” Then all the reindeer loved him. And they shouted out with glee.
Leo: That is the worst. The worst—
DMX: “Rudolf the red nosed reindeer, you’ll go down in history.” Forever. You’ll go down in history.
Leo: Thank you Owen J.J. Stone.
Owen: At this point, I love the fact that it is so bad I’m not even going to tell you that’s not the right video because—
Leo: (laughing) that’s not it either?
Owen: I’m letting this whole show go on down to the ground.
Leo: That says the official—
Owen: My microphone, everything.
Leo: It says it’s the official video.
Owen: Whatever. I can’t trust YouTube Red.
Leo: Which one? Which one?
Owen: No, no. No, no. We’re leaving it at horrible. I just, I just ruined some of my own Christmas spirit. There was some funky DJ music behind it.
Leo: (Laughing) All right, all right, all right. I can put you back in, a little bit more of the drunk musicians in the back of the studio, ladies and gentlemen, I give you the Dean-O-Holics.
Dean-O-Holic Singer: A last little ditty for all you Christmas fans out there. And especially since I stole Leo’s booze, this goes out to—this is dedicated to you Leo.
Leo: Hey, hey, hey.
Dean-O-Holic Singer 1: Rudy, the red nosed bar tender had a very shiny nose. And if you ever saw her you would even say it glows.
Dean-O-Holic Singer 2: Like a light bulb.
Dean-O-Holic Singer 1: All of the other alcoholics used to laugh and call him names. They never let poor Rudy play in any bartender games. Then one foggy New Years Eve, Father Time came to say, Rudy with your nose so bright, won’t you bartend my party tonight? Then how the Dean-O-Holics loved him.
Dean-O-Holic Singer 2: Now we love him.
Dean-O-Holic Singer 1: As they shouted out with glee.
Dean-O-Holic Singer 2: Oh, hotdog.
Dean-O-Holic Singer 1: Rudy the red nosed bartender, you’ll go down in history. Thank you everybody. We’re the Dean-O-Holics. We’re going to be at The Mystic tonight. We appreciate you guys having us.
Leo: Ok, that did not put me in the Christmas spirit but that—
Owen: It’s ridiculous. I’m actually happy that it was horrible though because—
Leo: Did you want Rudolph on crack? Is that what you wanted?
Owen: No, no, no. We don’t want Rudolph on anything. We’re leaving it just like it is. We got, we got drunk Rat Pack people and we got a horrible reindeer DJ mix. We’re good to go. Merry Christmas. The video was drunk, your microphone’s drunk, we’re drunk. Everyone today is liquored up.
Leo: (Laughing) I don’t know what just happened. Oh my God. Ok.
Owen: it just worked out that way.
Leo: Ok. Back to The Match Game. So, what was, did they ever, what did they do? So boobs and genitals was the two things. They never got worse than that?
Leo: I would have thought Charles Nelson Reilly would have gotten you in deep do-do. That guy looked like he was about to go crazy at any moment.
Dick: No, they knew how to play the game. And then, you know. I think, the thing I liked about Match Game it was it was very spontaneous and also it was a show where you could make fun of everything. My favorite Match Game moment ever is Brett Somers who—we had a contestant on who never matched anybody. And after her 4th terrible answer, Brett turned to Gene and said, “Gene stop a minute. Are there no qualifications to get on this show? Ten minutes before air, did you just open the doors of the studio and say, ‘You, you and you? You’re on a game show.’ Because that’s the worst contestant I’ve ever seen.” That just broke me up.
Leo: So who was the biggest, so who was the biggest slut on The Match Game?
Dick: (Laughing) now how do I know that?
Leo: (Laughing) No, I.
Paul: I actually though, I have a genuine question for you, Dick.
Greg: Where’s the mustache by the way? Leo, put your—yea, it’s gone. It’s gone. There you go.
Paul: This is probably not going to be interesting to anybody under the age of 40 and I don’t care. But growing up watching Match Game, in the bonus round or whatever it was called, I remember, it became very obvious for a very long time—
Dick: Richard Dawson.
Paul: That Richard Dawson was always the guy to go to. And then there was a season where they introduced the wheel—
Leo: Ah, that’s why, right? Because Dawson would always win.
Paul: And then—was that introduced because there was resentment on the part of the other cast members that they always went to Richard Dawson or was it just, “Let’s mix things up a little bit.”
Dick: No, it was because the producers felt that the other celebrities felt left out. It was also the reason that shortly after you’ll notice Richard Dawson left the panel.
Paul: Oh, really?
Dick: Richard Dawson was furious.
Leo: Oh, we’re getting some dirt now. We’re getting some dirt.
Dick: Yea, exactly. Ira Skutch who was producing it back then told me—I was in New York. Goodson said, “You know were moving the show to California. You want to go to California?” I said, “Mark, I’m a New Yorker.” He said, “You can write it anywhere in the world.” And he said, “I’m keeping the offices on Park Avenue anyways so stay here.” So I sent my stuff out. But I would meet with Ira Skutch every couple of months. I’d fly out or he’d fly in. And he said, “Richard Dawson started like being so quiet on the set.” And he said, “He told me that he was personally offended that they brought the wheel in and that celebrity, contestants couldn’t pick on him all the time.” And Ira said, “Richard, we can arrange if you’d like to be off the show.” And you know Richard had gone on to do Family Feud so he didn’t need Match Game. And Richard Dawson said, “Yea. I’d like to be off the show.” And so the wheel ended Richard being on the show.
Dick: But the funny thing was the day they put the wheel up, I landed on Richard Dawson. The very first day, the very first time they spun it. But that did change things for Richard on the show.
Leo: You’re too much of a gentlemen to say it, but I bet you there was behind the scenes backstage stuff. Backstabbing and I mean—
Paul: Some diva stuff happening.
Dick: No, Leo, it was nothing like TWiT.
Leo: (Laughing) If you only knew, Dick. If you only knew.
Owen: You still got your YouTube Red up?
Jason: I have the link you passed.
Jason: I think it’s the right one this time.
Leo: Ready to try it one more time?
Owen: This is my favorite game show moment if you’re looking for some fun debauchery.
Leo: Ok. Debauchery. Oh, I know—oh, wait, I don’t know where you’re going with this.
Steve Harvey: Give me a word a married man would use to fill in the blank. I would blank for sex. James.
Leo: They were a little too quick.
Leo: Oh. It’s number one! Oh, Steve Harvey’s not happy.
Steve: So completely true.
Leo: Cook. Clean. What?
Dominick: I would lie for sex.
Leo: There you go.
Steve: That’s a guy answer. You’ve got to, you don’t know how deep this runs with us. He would lie? Yes. Lie.
Leo: Number 2. Oh, well it’s in there. Pay or lie for sex.
Stephen: I’ve never done this, but beg.
Leo: Beg, yes. Yes. Yes.
Leo: Cook? No. Clean? No. But pay?
Leo: Lie, beg? You bet. You bet.
Steve: They don’t even know.
Bethany: I guess not.
Leo: Harvey’s getting into this.
Steve: 2 strikes. No chance you can blow this, James.
James: I’m going to kick it up a notch and say kill.
Leo: Oh my goodness.
Steve: Yes. Kill.
Leo: It’s number two. Number two. We’ve come a long way.
Steve: Bouley family, get ready to steal.
David: Now this isn’t me, I would cry for sex.
Leo: Cry? Cry, I’ve never done that, but that’s interesting.
Steve: David. Did you let the two women down there influence your answer? Yes you did. Why would you do that? This is a guy question. Who wants some bid dude laying on her crying? Whaaa. Number 4.
Leo: Die. I would die for sex.
Steve: We’ll buy it, we’ll kill you about it, we’ll beg you for it, we’ll lie about it—
Leo: But we will not cook or clean.
Steve: But at the end of the day, we’ll lie down our life for it.
Leo: (Laughing) That’s a good moment. How did you know that was there, Owen J.J. Stone?
Owen: I know all of Steve’s good moments.
Leo: Yea. He’s a good man.
Dick: I’ll tell you a quick story. You know that Family Feud is actually the old end of Match Game?
Dick: Match Game used to end with panelists trying to fill in blanks of long sentences. And it was so popular, Goodson said, “You know what? We can spin this off as a different show and just use single word blanks from Match Game.” So they actually ended up with two shows.
Leo: And Richard Dawson got to host. But he didn’t get the microphone.
Dick: (Laughing) I know he didn’t.
Leo: Oh, I’ve been given a new microphone. This is even stiffer than the old one.
Greg: And now like the game Cards Against Humanity—
Leo: Yes. I love, I love Cards Against Humanity.
Greg: It’s basically a riff on the same concept.
Leo: It is. Only like over the top.
Greg: So basically you can track it all the way back.
Leo: Yea. Isn’t that interesting? All right this is a good time for YouTube Roulette, your favorite YouTube videos. What about you guys? You got wildest, wacky, filthiest, I don’t care.
Paul: Oh, geez, man.
Leo: Think about it. You don’t have to come up with something right away but just think about it. Your favorite YouTube moments. We had a great YouTube moment when we were looking up pronunciations. Do you remember this? Because I was, I had said that I have ringing in my ears, then I said, “That’s tinnitus.” And your, your co-host, OMG Chad said “No, no, I believe that’s tinnitus.” And I said, “Well, I don’t know how we can find out.” So we went to YouTube and the YouTube pronunciation manual and we looked it up. And this is actually a great use for YouTube is how to pronounce words.
Greg: How do you pronounce Frappuccino?
Leo: You want to try another one? Because this is actually a good game. Let’s say if you can pronounce, and I won’t play it yet, but how do you pronounce this? Owen?
Greg: Carly Rae Jepsen.
Leo: Carly Rae .. let’s see.
YouTube Voice: Ronald Regan. Call me maybe. Cranky Ron. Old Regan.
Leo: Ok, you guys are not so good at pronunciation. You want to try another one? Here’s a word, here’s a word, here’s a word all the kids are saying these days. All the kids are saying. Do you even know what this means? Do you know what this means?
Leo: What does on, what is it, on fleek? What does that mean, Owen?
Dick: It’s one of the reindeers, isn’t it? On Donner, on Blitzen, on Fleek.
Leo: Yea, there was Dasher, on fleek. Let’s hear.
YouTube Voice: Wow, girl, your eyebrows look so good today. I wouldn’t even hesitate to say they are on fleek.”
Leo: There’s a word, you guys all know how to pronounce. Let’s here this.
YouTube: Be? Lenaput.
Leo: This would probably be a good time to do another commercial except that—
Leo: We’re going to stop right there. Some of my favorite--
Greg: Pronounced I can’t find it.
Leo: (Laughing) yes that’s right. Where is this thing? Kiltortenerous.
Leo: I’m going to have another.
Paul: Can anybody here me? Am I there?
Leo: Yea, why? Did we mute you?
Paul: Oh no, I said, I just sent, well my current favorite video over the Skype channel, if someone could grab that.
Leo: Oh, over the Skype channel.
Jason: I’ve got it on a different screen here.
Paul: It’s a short one but I feel like it encapsulates the internet in 6 seconds.
Leo: Let’s see. Let’s see, here we go. Couple of boys playing drums. Whoa. (Laughing) this is how the rim shot was invetnted.
Paul: Now wait, you got to turn it up a little bit and play it again, because it’s three steps, it’s actually four steps in immediate succession.
Leo: Are we missing? Are we missing?
Paul: It’s the kid saying, “This song’s stupid,” and immediately falls, rim shot and then you here the kid who fell start to cry.
Leo: (Laughing) it’s the kid.
Paul: Just starts howling.
Leo: It’s the, that is what YouTube was really created for I think.
Paul: So now go to your ad and read, Leo. Sorry to interrupt.
Leo: Would this be—what is happening in front of you there, Paul? It looks like a wall of action figures is mounted.
Paul: Oh yea, I’m slowly building a wall of home star runner figures and also Indiana Jones.
Leo: Very nice. All right, show of hands, how many of you, and by the way, was it you Paul or you Storm who said, “If we give any Star Wars spoilers you’re walking off the set.”
Greg: Ha! That’s me. I’m totally out.
Leo: Storm, we’re not, no. No spoilers. Just a question. How many of you in the audience and at home and in the show, how many of you have seen the new Star Wars?
Paul: I have.
Greg: Blah blah blah blah blah.
Leo: Owen’s seen it. Paul’s seen it. And Dick and Storm have not. So the top part has seen it, the bottom part has not. All right. There’s nothing to say except that it made a lot of money on opening weekend. We’re taping this ahead of time so we don’t know how well it’s done by now, but probably the largest opening of all time. And then I was watching Twitter and I just saw that the Steve Jobs movie total, total made $17.5 million dollars.
Paul: Oh, Steve Jobs.
Owen: They made more money than that at the first showing of the movie yesterday.
Leo: Yea. Oh, yea. They sold $100 million dollars in pre-sale tickets. And the Steve Jobs, in fact Apple made more money in the running time of Steve Jobs, $54 million dollars than the movie made by a long shot in its total history. So I don’t know if there’s something there but there’s, there’s a moral there somewhere. I think Star Wars deserves to do well. You know there’s a moment, and Storm, I’m not giving you any, any spoilers at all but when you are watching, at the beginning of the movie, and you see Lucas Film it’s just a great moment, isn’t it in the theatre, OhDoctah and Paul? Isn’t it a great moment where you just go, “Yes. We’re back. We’re back, baby.”
Paul: Although honestly, honestly I have to say I was a little, disappointed is not the right word because it doesn’t, it’s not that strong but just the fact that the 20th Century Fox overture wasn’t there.
Leo: Well it’s only on Episode 1, right?
Paul: Well it’s in the original trilolgy.
Leo: The whole trilogy was Fox?
Paul: Yea, I think the original trilogy was Fox. Everything else was just Lucas Film.
Leo: Ok. Yea, I know because I was re-watching episode 4 and it has that. And no, that’s not there because Fox doesn’t own it obviously Disney does. Don’t worry. Don’t worry.
Owen: Nobody’s spoiling anything.
Leo: No spoilers.
Paul: No spoilers.
Greg: I don’t even want opinions. I don’t even want opinions.
Leo: We’re just saying, no, no, no.
Paul: No one said anything.
Leo: You’re the guy who didn’t even watch trailers. I understand. You don’t want to know anything. And I honor that. I think that’s right on. But I do have to say that this mustache makes an appearance in the movie (laughing).
Greg: Damn you Leo! Damn you, it’s done, I’m not going to see it now.
Leo: No, no it doesn’t.
Greg: It’s just Star Trek.
Leo: It doesn’t.
Greg: From here on out. Star Trek.
Owen: Stick with Star Trek.
Leo: Stick with Star Trek. No, it is I think true to the spirit of the original. I’ve just got to say that. You will not go away unhappy. I’m just going to complain a little bit on this right now and it will make you feel good here.
YouTube: (Singing voices).
Leo: This is Jimmy Fallon and the Roots. And this is exactly how the movie begins now. Just so exciting. And actually this is the cast. The Star Wars cast is in here too isn’t it? There’s the famous black Storm Trooper right there. There’s a bunch of them. You know, Owen, are you happy that one of the stars of the new movie is an African-American? Actually he’s an African Englishman.
Leo: I think that’s great. I’m actually thrilled about that.
Owen: Again, another thing about how the internet is, it just astounded me how everybody was so enraged.
Owen: About that guy.
Leo: What? Right away he’s awesome in the movie.
Owen: Look, stop talking about the movie because you’re drunk and you’re not supposed to be doing it anyway. So stop.
Leo: Ok. I don’t think this is a surprise to anybody that this occurs.
Owen: No, no, no, I’m just saying before you clip something you shouldn’t say and he hangs up and then he’s upset with you for the rest of your life.
Leo: He’s already gone I think.
Owen: Because you have been drinking, so.
Leo: Yea. I’ve been drinking.
Owen: You can’t be trusted.
Leo: Can’t be trusted.
Owen: But happy he’s in the movie? Great, great whatever. I just again, people got so angry about that. I’m like, “Man, you now see who George Lucas is married to?”
Leo: It’s the best thing ever. It’s the best thing ever. I think it probably does more for race relations than a whole lot of other stuff. Don’t you think?
Owen: I mean, aren’t the Wookies black?
Leo: The Ewoks are definitely black.
Owen: The Ewoks are black. Those are black little people.
Leo: I feel like a Wookie might be black.
Owen: And Wookies are like black basketball players.
Leo: Is Peter Mayhew the Wookie again or is it a different guy in the suit? Wait a minute, you knew that, you knew there was a guy in a suit, right Storm?
Jason: Storm’s not listening. He’s not anywhere near this conversation.
Leo: He’s not listening. He doesn’t want—
Jason: I’m surprised he’s still here to be honest.
Leo: All right, let’s talk about spoilers. But not Star Wars, not Star Wars spoilers. But spoilers in general. Just what do you think about this new thing about spoilers? Because—It’s bad, isn’t it?
Owen: It wasn’t that great. It was great but it wasn’t that great. It was like—
Leo: Was it that great?
Paul: I can’t hear. Hold on.
Leo: He’s muted.
Owen: Goldang it.
Paul: Can you hear me now? I heard you. Can you hear me now?
Owen: I hear you.
Paul: Ok. I enjoyed it a lot.
Owen: Let me—we got to talk. We got to talk.
Leo: I’m going to be honest with you. I’m going to be honest with you. It’s not that great a series. The whole thing isn’t that good.
Paul: It’s tough because you know, I was, I was literally the guy in the wheel house for the original trilogy because I was 7 when the first one came out and I was 11 when the last one came out.
Leo: Yes. It’s for your people. Yes.
Paul: Then, I mean, you know, I was, it’s hard to match that feeling of being a, you know, a pre-teen kid watching that original trilogy. I mean it will never impact you know, certainly it couldn’t impact me the same way that the original trilogy did.
Owen: I took my daughter who is obsessed with Star Wars. In her bedroom right now she’d got Darth Vader over her bed and R2-D2 right beside him. Her alarm clock is going to work—
Leo: What did she, what did she think?
Owen: She called out most of the things in the movie. She’s looking at me like, “Dad, don’t you think this is going to happen?” I’m like, “I don’t know.” An hour later she’s like, “See, I told you so.” And I’m like, “An 8 year old figured it out.” Like an 8 year old.
Paul: I will certainly say I’m going to see it another time or two to really get it properly.
Leo: It moves fast. Yea, there’s a lot there.
Owen: I’m watching it twice. I’ve got to go see it 2 more times because I’ve got friends I’ve got to take.
Leo: No, I’ve got to see it more. I’m glad I saw it.
Paul: I saw it, I saw it at the Franklin Institute’s IMAX theatre.
Leo: Oh, nice.
Paul: It wasn’t a big flat screen it was actually sort of, the way it’s arranged I don’t even know if you can describe it properly. It’s sort of a half dome and that’s at a, let’s call it a 30 degree angle and then the seats are out, parallel angle so you’re very close to the screen no matter where you’re sitting.
Paul: So there’s this huge screen right up in our faces and literally the chairs are so relined it felt like we were lying down watching this movie, which completely filled my visual field perfectly.
Dick: Are you sure the theatre’s not just falling apart?
Paul: No, no.
Leo: I want to, I want to see it that way.
Paul: It fills your complete field of vision and well it was awesome and you know it’s something that creates magic that way. It’s 70 millimeter so that’s fun.
Leo: That’s the way to see it.
Paul: But it was a thing where if you wanted to see the left and the right of the screen you actually had to turn your head to see it. Like you couldn’t even just move your eyes. You actually had to, we had to look, my daughter and I saw it, we had to look left and right to see what was happening. So a lot of the actions scenes were a little tough to properly get—
Owen: That’s annoying.
Paul: But that said, it was really, everything was visceral.
Leo: I really enjoyed it.
Paul: I was really great.
Leo: I really enjoyed it. I loved it.
Leo: Ok, Storm, we’re done.
Paul: Here, I’ll text Storm here.
Leo: We’re done. We’re done. No spoilers. We didn’t spoil anything. Storm shot first! Storm shot first! Storm shot first.
Greg: Damnit, it was me the whole time.
Leo: The whole time.
Owen: It’s so funny because when you say his name all I keep thinking of is Hall and Oates and I can’t stop doing it.
Leo: Hall and Oates. It’s like Hall and Oates only it’s Paul and Storm. So where do you guys, where do you all sit on 3D movies? I like IMAX.
Leo: You like it.
Owen: Horrible. Horrible. No I hate it. Unless it’s Avatar, I can’t stand the 3D movie.
Leo: I was disappointed because we bought tickets to 3D and I want, I’m going to have to go back and see it in 2D because I like 2D. It’s brighter. 3D’s dimmer.
Dick: Yes. Absolutely. 3D is very dim.
Paul: Yep, although apparently they are improving that. Apparently the new laser projection makes them brighter.
Leo: Yea, some of them are brighter.
Paul: But my problem—
Greg: I’m holding out for 4D. I’m holding out for 4D.
Leo: Yea, 4D.
Greg: At least 4Ds. You know, maybe 5.
Paul: My issue is the vast majority of movies aren’t shot in 3D. Like they’re not made for it, they’re converted and almost in every single case the conversions are pretty terrible.
Leo: I could, this is not a spoiler. I could tell you though there’s no reason to see this in 3D. You will be, there’s nothing, there’s no reason to see this in 3D.
Owen: There’s no reason to see any movie besides Avatar in 3D. When I’m in Avatar 3D and they’re walking through that grass, there’s grass in my lap. Every other movie they’re just wrapping around my face. But Avatar literally I was in the universe. Like I don’t know what they did to Avatar besides spend a whole lot of money but Avatar 3D is the only 3D available in this universe that’s useful.
Paul: It’s because they shot it natively in 3D. There are a few more movies like, you know, Pixar movies and computer generated movies are a lot better about it. Some of the like movies like Coraline and Box Trolls and things like that, those were also actually I think natively shot in 3D.
Leo: I still don’t like it because it’s darker and I don’t want to wear glasses.
Greg: Don’t tack it on. Like if you’re going to do it, go all the way you know, and start from the beginning on it.
Leo: All right.
Paul: Now that said, ok, here’s a question then because most places Star Wars is playing on IMAX and you have to see it in 3D if you want to see it in IMAX. So if you want the really big image, if you have to see it in 3D, will you, will you go to see it on a smaller screen in 2D or will you suck up the 3D and see it on the big screen?
Leo: I haven’t seen it in 2D.
Owen: I’ll tell you like, I’ll tell you like I tell these women. Size isn’t everything. It’s about the content and the motion of the ocean. And I’m not seeing it in IMAX and 3D. They’re not going to trick me. They’re not getting my money. IMAX 3D’s like $28 dollars and a small child. And they want love from an infant. Like too much.
Leo: Owen, Owen, are you telling me that you’re not well endowed?
Owen: I’m not talking about me, I’m talking about 3D.
Leo: (Laughing) all right. All right. We’re going to take a break. When we come back, it’s the day after Christmas, this is, they call it Boxing Day. That’s because—
Paul: Boxing Day!
Leo: It’s not anything to do with, you know, pugilism, it is because in old England, this is a terrible tradition, but the lord of the manor would box up the leftovers from the Christmas feast and bring it to the tenants in the town as a gift. That’s why they call it boxing day. I think a more modern interpretation is this is the day you bring back the gifts you got, you put them back in the box and say, “I want a different one.” I’m going to ask you guys, even though you don’t know what you got, what you go that you didn’t want or what you do want but you didn’t get for Christmas when we come back. All right, a little bit of a break. This is a chance to think. (singing). Wait a minute, there’s no more ads. The clipboard is empty.
Paul: Uh oh.
Leo: No, that’s terrible. That should never happen.
Paul: Why don’t you put in a plug for JoCo Cruise then?
Leo: JoCo Cruise.
Greg: Yep, that’s a good one.
Leo: JoCo Cruise. Oh, wait a minute. Ok, this whole time I’ve been saying Boxing Day, it’s the day after Boxing Day.
Greg: Re-boxing Day.
Leo: Re-boxing Day. So what gift did you get that you would re-box? So I’ve just been informed my producers finally woke up and they said, “Wait a minute, it’s not Boxing Day.” Here, have another one of these. These are really good. This is—by the way, I just want to say, this is excellent. This is a local eggnog by The Organic Strauss Family Creamery. It’s excellent. And then I—
Greg: Is it moonshine eggnog?
Leo: It is.
Greg: It is now.
Leo: It’s called American Born Moonshine Dixie and it’s sweet tea moonshine. 83 proof – whoa it blew my mind.
Dick: It blew his stache right off.
Leo: And it’s actually incredibly good. And it goes down very smoothly. That is not the commercial. I just wanted to say it’s a recommendation. Our commercial is by Audible.com. We love Audible. They’ve been a member of the family for years. In fact I first started listening to Audible books in the year 2000. I was listening to these books on tape. You know, you get the box of tape for a month. It’s like cassettes and you put a cassette in and it was, I mean it saved my life because I had a long commute down to TechTV, like 2 hours each way. And I loved that. But when Audible came along, and this was before the iPod or the iPhone so I had to listen, Audible made a little thing called the Otis. It was like an early mp3 player by Diamond Rio. Now of course you can listen to Audible on anything. On any smartphone, any tablet. They have Windows apps. They have apps for every platform. And by the way, that Mindy Kaling is an awesome book, Why Not Me? Fantastic. Here’s the deal. We’re going to get you 2 free books. So this is the challenge is which 2 books? I have just started listening to a wonderful book that I can’t remember—oh, that’s a good one. Angela’s Ashes was one of the 1st books I ever listened to by Frank McCourt. He narrates it. Oh my God, that’s an amazing book. I didn’t even know, I forgot about that. I probably listened to that 10 years ago. Incredible. And Frank McCourt has, it’s a beautiful story about a childhood in Ireland and it’s just wonderful.
Greg: It’s a beautiful story about his incredibly miserable destitute upbringing in Ireland.
Leo: Exactly. But isn’t that, that’s what’s amazing about it. Is he, it’s just incredible. I bet they have a Dylan Thomas Childs Christmas in Wales would be another great one to listen to. This was a every—yea, here it is. Every Christmas we had this on an album and every Christmas I would listen to it. I don’t know if you have my audio but let me play a little. This is Dylan Thomas. This is considered the first official audio book by Dylan Thomas. We listen to this every Christmas.
Book: Heard a noise there Christmas Eve. And when the firemen turned off the hose, and was standing in the wet, smoky room, Jim’s aunt came downstairs—
Leo: Oh, I have such memories of this. It’s not very long. It’s 48 minutes. But that is a Christmas memory for me. Lots of wonderful classic Christmas tales. There’s some wonderful stuff. Go to Audible.com. Actually we’ve got a special deal for you. If you go to Audible.com/twit2 and you get 2 books for free. You’ll be subscribing to the platinum plan. That means you’re going to get 2 books a month plus the Daily Digest of The New York Times or The Wall Street Journal. This is the one I was trying to remember. Lafayette in the Somewhat United States. Sarah Vowell narrates this along with our buddy John Hodgeman and John Slattery from Mad Men and Nick Offerman from Parks and Rec, Fred Armisan from Saturday Night Live. Incredible book. I’ve just started listening to this. Look, you’re going to love Audible. 2 books free right now. This is, if you didn’t get the Christmas present you wanted or the Hanukah present you wanted, this is the time to take 2 books for free. And by the way you can cancel any time in the first 30 days. Pay nothing but you’ll be keeping those books forever. I have well over 300, I think 400 books that I’ve listened to on Audible that are mine. They’re in my library forever. Audible.com/twit2. Do you guys have a tradition? I think we talked about this in previous episodes of something that you read on Christmas Eve? I mean I guess it’s The Night Before Christmas. You guys have kids? I don’t even know. I know you do, OhDoctah.
Paul: I’ve got 2 kids. They’re older. We don’t have a family tradition but I always end up, because I tend to put the wrapping off until too late so I finish my wrapping real late on Christmas Eve.
Leo: I shop on Christmas Eve. That’s what I do.
Paul: And then I—oh, you shop.
Leo: I go to 7-11 and I say “You got any Slim Jims? Anything, I’ll take whatever you got.”
Paul: Nice. But once I do the wrapping I generally find myself watching 2 movies in a row. I watch It’s a Wonderful Life.
Paul: Because it’s tradition and then I also watch the greatest, the single greatest Christmas movie and greatest version of this story which is—
Dick: He’s going to say, I know what you’re going to say. Say it.
Paul: No, go ahead. You know what I’m going to say, so. It’s the—
Leo: Gene Shepard.
Dick: Alastair Sim, A Christmas Carol.
Paul: Yep, Alistair Sim, 1951 Scrooge.
Leo: That’s the one.
Paul: Thank you, Dick, for backing me up on that.
Dick: No, thank you. I knew, I said, “He’s got to say that. He’s got to say that.”
Paul: But it is—and the best part about it is that it’s only a little over an hour long. It’s not very long.
Leo: And by the way, it’s on YouTube so you don’t actually have to wait for it to show up on TV.
Dick: Oh, wow.
Greg: It’s more special when you come across it in the wild.
Dick: I know. The terrible thing is I think we ruined the ending for Greg.
Leo: No spoilers. No spoilers.
Greg: I know this one. I know this one. You know, after that many years it doesn’t count. You know, there used to be a count you could decide on.
Leo: What is the statute of limitations on spoilers?
Greg: Well there needs to be a council of 12 that determines for any given movie how long you have before you can no longer complain because you’ve been spoiled. And I think it depends, yea.
Leo: It’s ok now to say Darth Vader is you know who’s—
Greg: No, no, no, no. I’m out.
Leo: Not ok. Not ok. Not ok.
Owen: My tradition this year is to be the scrooge.
Paul: To actually be the scrooge?
Leo: You know what, Owen? I don’t want you to be the scrooge. I want you to be the Krampus.
Owen: Well, I can’t kill anybody because I’m black. I’d go to jail for that. But I’m saying, I have no Christmas tree this year, there are no gifts this year.
Owen: And on Christmas day, my daughter’s getting no presents from me this year.
Leo: Why not? Are you going to be—
Owen: Because, Uncle Leo, let me tell you something. Let me tell you something. So first of all when I grew up, there was a time period when I had everything. Like all the toys in the world. Then there was a time period when we were really poor and I didn’t have anything. And there were 3 Christmases like that where all I got was clothes from my other family members. I didn’t have anything.
Owen: And I didn’t get upset with my Dad. I knew the situation we were in. I dealt with it. He always loved me, he did his best. Now my daughter lives in a world where I’m separated from her mother, she’s talking to her friends, she has Christmas at her grandmothers, Christmas at another grandmothers, Christmas with her mom and then Christmas with me. She has a playroom at my house, a bedroom at my house, a playroom at her mother’s house and a bedroom at. Like, she has so much stuff, Leo, when I asked her what she wants for Christmas, she said, “I already have everything.” And blessed be me that my child is not a greedy evil child to just want more and more but I said, “Wow.” She’s like, “Well I don’t need anything and I’m getting so much stuff anyway.” And I’m like, you know what, I bought her presents, mind you. But on Christmas day, we’re not going to have presents. We’re going to the movie, we’re going to see our family and friends and hang out all day. And as long as she don’t complain, I’ll buy her something extra on top of that because the next day I’m going to give her all her presents. But for Pete’s sake, sometimes you got—and when she gets older she’s going to know we ain’t broke. So I got to hit her up now to make her realize that it’s not about presents. It’s not about the presents. Like her little friend was like, “Oh, well your dad’s a Grinch because he doesn’t have Santa Claus come over.” And she’s like, “Santa Claus comes everywhere.” And Liz’s like, “Well Santa doesn’t come to my dad’s house, he comes to my mom’s and my grandmom’s.” And she’s like, “Why?” And she’s like, “Because my dad buys the presents at his house, not Santa.” And I’m like, “I’m not giving no credit to no jolly fat man. Oh no.” They’re leaving cookies out for me. They’re not leaving cookies out for somebody else. I bought you presents.
Leo: You’re a mean one, Mr. Grinch. You really are a heel. You’re a dirty black banana with a greasy black peel, Mr. Grinch.
Owen: Exactly. And when my kid grows up humble and knows about the world, she’s not going to ask me for an Audi.
Leo: (Laughing) I don’t know anybody that would do that. Hey watch this. This is it. Alistair Sim.
Dick: Oh yea.
Alastair Sim: Are you the spirit whose coming was foretold to me?
Spirit: I am.
Alastair: Who and what are you?
Spirit: I am the ghost of Christmas past.
Alastair: Long past?
Spirit: No, your past.
Leo: I want to see Marley with his chains. Where’s that? That’s the good one. Oh, see there’s the door knocker. This is really, I think even if you never say this, this is in your psyche as what Christmas Carol is, right?
Paul: Oh, absolutely.
Dick: That little bit gets me teary eyed.
Owen: I haven’t seen this since I was a kid.
Leo: Yea, this is a good one.
Owen: I was like 15 when I saw this. Wow.
Leo: I’m surprised actually that you’ve seen it. This is pretty old. Anyway, let’s talk about gifts. I’ll show you the gift—
Paul: Like the gift you are giving to the world with that mustache there?
Leo: Stop it.
Owen: It’s part of beard nation. He has to have facial hair.
Leo: This is the gift I’m giving everybody this year. The Star Wars Darth Vader plush toy with Santa had and candy.
Paul: Does this count as a spoiler Storm? Are you mad right now?
Owen: That candy looks ill placed.
Leo: This is, this here is—
Owen: What is going on with that candy?
Leo: This here is one confused Christmas gift. I’m just saying.
Paul: We’re just going do smash together a bunch of things and sell it to you. Ok, so it’s Darth Vader but he’s got a Christmas hat and I don’t know, some God damned candy or something.
Leo: Look at that. Look at that.
Paul: Whoa. $14.98.
Leo: What’s your greatest Christmas memory? Owen J.J. Stone, there must be a, you told some sad stories. You’re getting your hand me down clothes but is there a great Christmas memory for you?
Owen: Great Christmas memory. I had a situation where I had to move to a new place and there was like a new family setup. And I didn’t really know anybody. This is one of those Christmases where I got everything. So my dad was like a mechanic. And one night he was out working in the garage. And then I heard him banging and making all this noise. I look out the window and I see my dad riding me new bike that he had put together for me around in the driveway. And he rode the bike into the fence because you know, it’s too short for him. And he rode the bike into the fence and I cracked up laughing so bad. And that was when I still believed in Santa Claus. That’s the first time I realized Santa Claus wasn’t real. But the next day I woke up and the bike was there and I was like, “I got a bike!” And my dad was like, “Yea, Santa dropped it off for me.” I’m like, “Yea, I heard Santa hit the fence last night, too.”
Leo: (Laughing). I love it.
Owen: (Laughing). And to which point, I’ll never forget it, that bike—I didn’t know how to ride a bike because I never had a real bike at that point. I think I was like 7 or 8. My dad tried to teach me and he’s one of those guys who just likes to tell you to do stuff on your own. So he’s like, “Here, go ride the bike. You’ll fall a lot. You’ll figure it out.” So my neighbor comes over and her name was Felicia. And Felicia helped me ride the bike. And my dad was like, “Ah, I see how it is.” And then the next day I knew how to ride the bike but I was still pretending I didn’t know how to ride the bike because—
Leo: Because of Felicia. She’s going to come back, teach you some more.
Owen: You have to hold the handlebars for me, girl. I don’t know what I’m doing.
Leo: Oh. Help me. Help me. Oh, I love that. That’s a nice story. Dick, your parents, your father I remember was he an iron monger? He was an Italian immigrant.
Dick: He was an Italian immigrant who worked building metal grills and gratings and actually did some stuff for Grand Central Station designing. And my parents never knew what I wanted. My whole family never were into gadgets and things. So my mother and I had a great scam going. My mother would 2 weeks before Christmas say, “All right. I want you to buy something for $20 dollars for your sister. I want you to buy something for $40 dollars for your brother.” And I would go out and buy all these things that I wanted and we would wrap them, my mother and I. And she would say, “You know, they think I bought them.” And I said, “Great.” So on Christmas I got exactly what I wanted.
Leo: Oh, that’s awesome.
Dick: And then I remember one year we went to my sister’s house for Christmas and I walked in and my sister said, “You’re wearing dungarees.” And I said, “Yea.” She said, “We’re going to midnight mass.” I said, “Somebody might give me slacks and a shirt and a tie.” And they did. Amazing. And they fit. They were already altered.
Leo: (Laughing). Paul and Storm. Let’s start with Paul. You have any memories that you want to share with us of great holidays past?
Paul: We generally had really good Christmases at our house. I don’t know if there was a specific—I guess, maybe—
Leo: Come on, everybody has a special gift.
Paul: Maybe it sounds materialistic, but one particular one was the year we got the Atari 2600.
Leo: Oh yea. That would be good. That would be big.
Paul: Yea, and it opened up a whole new world. It actually was followed by one of my least favorite Christmas memories because the day after Christmas, or excuse me, it was the day of Christmas, just you know, maybe around noon. Some friends of ours, a couple of friends of my brother and I came over to come see our new Atari. And they proceeded to play it without giving us a turn for like 5 hours straight.
Leo: Oh, I hate that.
Dick: Oh, oh.
Paul: And they had, that literally made them, we kind of stop being friends with them after that. Like they rode away on their bikes and we were like, “Those guys are jerks.”
Leo: That’s great. That Atari gave you the gift of hatred.
Dick: That’s what happens.
Paul: (Laughing) there you go. Thanks Nolan Bushnell.
Dick: See I think that needs to be their slogan for years, wasn’t it?
Greg: Give the gift of hatred.
Leo: Storm, you have any—
Dick: And look at what it did for them.
Leo: Yea. It was very successful.
Greg: Yea, I do. It’s not a specific memory and I’m probably going to piss off somewhere between 40 and 70% of people for saying it.
Leo: Oh, I like that.
Greg: I really genuinely like, and nominally I’m Jewish but it’s the holidays. And I really love the idea that you’re getting back together with friends and people you maybe haven’t seen in a while and just remembering just sort of who you are. And for me that all comes around every year, once a year, the first time when I’m listening to the radio which happens with decreasing frequency, and in the wild I hear Wonderful Christmas time by Paul McCartney. And there’s—
Leo: Simply having a wonderful Christmas time. Love that song.
Greg: Yea. You hear those opening chords, you hear those chords and all the memories come back for me. And I know there are haters out there who decry this.
Paul: It’s a polarizing song, it’s true.
Leo: Is it really?
Greg: It’s polarized.
Leo: It’s a great song.
Paul: It is.
Owen: It’s played at every mall and every shop in America a billion times. That’s why.
Greg: Yea, it’s too familiar. But it captures for me sort of that feeling. It’s so simple that it’s about people together having a great time. It’s simple. You’re simply having a wonderful Christmas time.
Leo: A wonderful Christmas time. I love that song. I think that’s a great song.
Greg: Thank you. Thank you, Leo. Thank you.
Leo: So actually I’d like to end this with—I don’t know what’s happening.
Paul: With a few more mustaches.
Leo: With Dick, with Dickie DeBartolo, you posted on all your social media I think a beautiful sentiment. And I thought maybe you could read this. This is your, your Christmas wish for everybody right now.
Dick: Oh, yea, I don’t have it handy. Let me—
Leo: I have it right here. I have it right here.
Dick: Oh, ok.
Leo: Just put this on the screen and you can read it.
Dick: There you go. The headline is Please, No More Star Wars Talk. Let's concentrate on the holidays. It's the time of year when kids are excited that The Force Awakens them early Christmas morning. Most will love the gifts they receive, but a few will not like anything and throw a tauntaun. Some folks will stay close to home while others will travel to a galaxy far, far away often on a jet-eye night flight. But once they arrive, it's time for drinking eggnog and making Wookie. For many the main event takes place on December twenty-fifth, but then it's all over on December twenty-sith. Through it all, keep it light and airy, or to put it another way: “May the Froth Be With You.” Happy holidays.
Leo: And by the way, Storm for you, for your benefit, Brett Glass in our chatroom has the back story behind that wonderful Paul McCartney Christmas song.
Greg: Oh, no, no, no, no.
Leo: It turns out—
Greg: That’s the BS story that I told Brett Glass.
Leo: (Laughing) Paul McCartney was in the studio. You know, if you can write a Christmas song, it’s like an annuity because it gets played every year. You get royalties. And the engineer said, “Paul, I bet you can’t write a Christmas song.” And Paul said, “I could write a hit Christmas song.” He went to the bathroom. While he was taking a dump, he wrote a wonderful, wonderful—
Dick: A wonderful, warm Christmas memory.
Greg: So I think we all underestimated the power of taking a dump. I think that’s the lesson that needs to be learned here.
Leo: I want to thank my bestest buddies, you guys came out on a cold, winter evening to spend a couple of hours with us. I just want to wish you a wonderful 25th, 20—what year is this going to be? 2016. And I just, it’s my great pleasure to work with some of the most fun, wonderful people in the world. And I look forward to this every year. Paul and Storm, JoCocruise.com. You’ll be going out to sea in February. God willing you’ll never come back. For more information about their performances, paulandstorm.com. Dick DiBartolo—
Paul: And we’ll be doing it again in 2017 so even if you’re, once this airs even if it’s too soon, too close for someone to book for this year, there will be another one coming the next year.
Greg: Bigger and better. Bigger and better.
Leo: They’re sailing on the ghost ship. And then maybe I’ll get asked. Mr. Dick DiBartolo, Mad’s maddest writer, always a thrill.
Dick: Thank you, sir.
Leo: gizwiz.biz is his website. He’s @thegizwiz on Twitter and don’t forget to follow the show, gizwiz.tv. Happy holidays, Dick. Happy New Years, too.
Dick: Thank you, sir.
Leo: Owen J.J. Stone.
Owen: Uncle Leo, I want to tell you a Christmas story to show you the power of a child’s mind.
Owen: It’s short.
Leo: We should end this on a high note. That’s good.
Owen: So, I take my daughter over to go play with her little friend. And he had just got home from bible study. He said, “Leah, you should come to bible study with us.” And Leah says, “Well, we don’t really do that. My dad said I can decide what I want to be when I get older.” And he said, “That’s ok. Jesus and God love you anyway.” And she said, “Well, how do you know that?” And he said, “Well, everybody, they love everybody.” And she’s like, “Well, did they tell you that?” And he’s like, “No.” She’s like, “Well, if they didn’t tell you then how do you know?” And so he gets really frustrated and he looks at his mom and he’s like, “Mom, tell her.” And she’s like, “Well, Leah, it’s just a thing that we’re saying that he loves everybody.” And she’s like, “I understand that. I’ve just never seen him. So if you’ve never seen him, how do you know?” And the little boy gets really upset. And the mom’s like, “Look, she’s allowed to believe in something different and you’re allowed to believe in something different. It’s totally ok.” But the mom was really frustrated with Leah’s take on the whole thing. So after 30 seconds she turns to Leah and she says, “So Leah, do you believe in Santa Claus?” And Leah says, “Of course I do. I see him at the mall every year.”
Owen: The joy of my heart. It was a Christmas burn. Boy it was a Christmas miracle from an 8 year old. And there was nothing she could do but say, “Touché, Leah. Touché.”
Leo: I don’t know about, I don’t know about Santa Claus or Jesus or anybody, but I love you guys and I think you so much. I thank you all and I mean this to you sitting at home. I love—or driving or jogging or flying in an airplane. You know our listeners do so many things while they’re listening to TWiT and we really very honored and pleased that you listen. And I thank you. I hope this show won’t sour you on the whole process because God knows—
Dick: (Laughing) Well I think you got your wish. It’s ending on a high note.
Leo: (Laughing) As usual it’s been another wild holiday episode. But, I thank you for a wonderful 2015. At least personally we’ve been having so much fun doing all of our shows and I hope I see you right back here in 2016. Thank you everybody. Happy Holidays. Happy New Year. And another TWiT –
Owen: Is in the can.
Leo: Is in the can! Thank you. Bye-bye everybody.